Saturday, July 7, 2012


I ran across this, I don't know what to call it, a rambling of sorts. It comes often. The feelings of doubt and the questions: is this real and is this worth it? I suppose at one point I wrote about the struggle that sometimes goes on in my mind. I decided to share it here.

Constrained By God's Love                                                   11.07.10

Through the movement of time, we are tossed about by many feelings and emotions. Constant is the battle between the spirit and the flesh. One will triumph. Why am I constrained by God's love and law to fight every hour for the spirit to win?

The Story:

In the beginning.... do I really believe this? The father of lies tells me no. "The battle is not worthy to fight," he says. "Just let go. It's all a myth." Yes, I start at the beginning. He only speaks to my mind, the intellect, which we all seem to think so highly of at times. However, the Comforter sweetly speaks to my soul and takes me down this road.

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
And God said....... That is all I need to begin to ponder the wonder of it all.

Creation by God is the only one way to explain the phenomenon of our physical earth, it is just as He said. Consider that if the Earth had just a slightly different tilt on its axis then none of what we know could be. There is no modern day theory that can account for that. It was not mere chance and the one who spoke it into being said:
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; Jeremiah 1:5

Then he tells me:
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

And when I worry He whispers: Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

When I feel unloveable the word says: But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Then when I go though it all over again as the next sun rises He speak this truth :
It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. Lam 3:22-23

He did what I could never do:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

So when my weariness of the way comes and when I am weakened as the woman in the crowd who was low enough to touch the hem of Him.....tired, ready to surrender, somewhere in my mind's eye I catch a glimpse of the Lamb, as led to the slaughter, carrying that tree that He would hang on for me. The flesh wrapped Son of God. Cant you see the blood, the sweat....authentic tiredness? My soul cries out ,pitiful wretch that I am....Lord, How can I not give you my life?

As I climb out of one pit the tempter is ready to drag me down another. This day he chooses to work on my feelings of self-pity, the “why me Lord” cry....and I am stronger this time and the Word comes to me swiftly. This is our only defense. Jesus being tempted in the wilderness only answered the evil one with Scripture.
So who am I if, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
and why do I think I deserve any good if : they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote him on the head. And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him. Matt 27:30
Then I hear myself say “why not me, I am not worthy.” Pity turns to praise. I thank him that I have never faced what He allowed to become of himself for me. When selfishness creeps in and encompasses my mind, the Selfless One gently reminds me of the price he paid for my life. I will gladly serve.
When I doubt Him and think it all in vain I step back and in awe see the Creator's hand in everything around me. The face of a loved one, every fowl of the air, every tree & every flower. Our wondrously made beings and the heavens above. The beautiful tapestry He has woven and called it my life which had the lowliest beginning. I wonder how anyone could not believe in and yearn to live for my Redeemer.

I made it again, by God's grace, through the trying of my faith. And I remain joyfully, thankfully constrained.


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